Will You Stay and Stand?

When the storm comes; will you stand by his side? When she’s not perfect or makes a mistake will you stay? Theirs is a real life love story that should be told. Not because they lived some grand life or were separated for years and then found each other again, but because the love they share has endured the test of time; only to grow stronger with each passing moment. Here they come, now. Slowly making their way up the concrete walk with his hand beneath her elbow; guiding her now imbalanced body. “Well, hot dog! We made it!” I love that wonderfully familiar phrase that still holds a hint of a southern accent. That’s my Grandpa and the woman on his arm is my Grandma. Fortunately, his dry humor and splendor has not wilted, even though he now cares for my grandma who has Alzheimer’s disease.

According to Wikipedia.org, “Alzheimer’s is a neurodegenerative disease characterized by progressive cognitive deterioration together with declining activities of daily living and neuropsychiatric symptoms or behavioral changes.” A storm that creeps up on you slowly, that last for many years and takes the one you love before their body has gone.

I have watched my Grandpa care for my Grandma as her symptoms have become progressively worse over the last eight or so years. As hard as it is to see her look older and older and have her not know who we are, there is sweetness, a sobering peace in how he cares for her even though the beauty and wit of her youth has faded.

They have been married for some 55 years. Grandpa is a stern, but fun loving man who took us to Miwock Park and spun us on the tire swing until we almost lost our lunch. He has spent years stuffing us full of strawberry shortcake and soda pop. He can roast a marshmallow over the fire until it’s perfectly golden brown. I usually catch mine on fire!

What made my Grandma such a gem was her beauty, charm and good sense of humor. Once she got to laughing she couldn’t stop. We would be sitting at the house hours after a silly incident and all the sudden she’d start laughing about it, which pulled us all back into fits of laughing hysteria. She was witty; surprisingly witty. She reminded me of a movie star from the 1940’s; incredibly beautiful.

One of the best moments still talked about today is the one particular trip to McDonald's. My brother and I used to get so stinking excited to go to McDonald's with my Grandparents and for whatever reason, it is beyond me, we would eat our happy meals in the car, parked in the parking lot. But it didn’t matter because we would laugh and eat and just have a blast. This one time my Grandma could not get the ketchup package open for the life of her. So, she tore it with both hands and the ketchup went flying! All over her, all over the seat and some even flew into the back with us. We just laughed and laughed until we couldn’t breathe.

Grandpa always talked to her in a very respectful and gentle way. He would open the door for her and place his hand on the small of her back to guide her in like the lady she was. They would go everywhere together. They traveled across the country back to our Arkansas roots dozens of times and took us camping at the lake every summer. I don’t think I have ever seen them upset with one another. Now, I am sure they have had their moments behind closed doors just like us all, but they were best friends and confidants. They actually wanted and needed to be with each other. He would smile at her and listen when she talked. There was a secure comfort between them.

She now gets mad and tells whoever is laughing too loud to ‘Shut up!’ which with my family that happens often. She does not like load noises. She can get very hostile and very angry at times. He struggles to get her up and going some mornings. My Grandpa has seen his precious lady divert back to child-like behaviors. He now has to feed her and bathe her; which he does on his own. He does not want to leave her in the care of a stranger. He tells me “We’re doing pretty good today. She has a good appetite. She didn’t want to eat at first but once she got going she ate pretty good.” That’s a good day.

She does not know who he is anymore. She knows he is the man who cares for her, but that is it. How sad that must be when the person you used to tell everything can no longer comprehend your words. Even though he has a full time job of caring for her every need he still treats her like a lady, speaks softly to her, includes her in conversations and makes sure she gets desert with every body else. He still looks at her with tenderness in his eye and an affection that could only hold on between two people who love each other deeply.

Her hair has grayed, her skin has wrinkled, and her mind has wandered, but she’s still beautiful to him. The beauty lies in the relationship; in the loyalty and the precious care.

His dedication and perseverance to her is honorable and admirable. From time to time, talking with him on the phone, I hear the pain in his voice and how tired he really is. However, he is blessed by his burden because he loves her and he will stay and stand through the storm, until the end. Isn’t this what we all want and need to know; will you stay and stand with me?